seattle ; monday afternoon

[necroslacker]

Sam had gotten roped into taking Haley out shopping today. His mom had asked him and Sam really couldn't say no to his mom when she put her mind to it. Besides, he hadn't spent a lot of time with Haley and she did need some new things for school.

Right now, Sam was sitting on a bench in the shoe section of some store while Haley modeled different pairs of sneakers for him.

"The first time it rains and you step in a mud puddle, those are ruined," Sam said of a the pair of white sneakers she had on today.

"I'd just avoid mud puddles," Haley told him smartly.

Sam shook his head. "No, you wouldn't. Or maybe you'd try to avoid it but no one avoids every mud puddle. No one's that good."

"I am," Haley said and stuck a hand on her hip. Sam chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Then, they look fine," he said, nodding. "Very good for not stepping in mud puddles."

"They'll go in the maybe pile," Haley said before skipping away down another aisle. Sam laughed and closed his eyes before sitting up immediately.

"Wait, you have piles? Haley, we can't stay here forever!"

Haley didn't answer. Just laughed. Sam sighed and got more comfortable. He was gonna be there awhile.

[NFB but open for phone calls/texts]

Comments

[whenshewasnice]

"I still care."

That was really all she had to say to that. She hadn't stopped caring – in fact, she knew she would've been feeling a lot better if she had.

[necroslacker]

"Uh huh."

He didn't sound entirely convinced or maybe he didn't want her to hear how that made him feel.

[Have to step out for just a bit! Brb!]

[whenshewasnice]

"I know you're probably not inclined to believe that." And he had every right not to. "Doesn't make it any less true."

[necroslacker]

"Who's on the phone, Sam?" Haley said after coming over with another pair of shoes she wanted him to see.

Sam put a hand over the receiver to muffle Haley and his voices. "Not important. Those shoes are too big."

"I'll grow into them!" Haley argued.

"Try a smaller pair," Sam said and Haley made a face before going back to the shoe search.

"Breaking up with me but still keeping tabs on me because you care doesn't make a lot of sense," Sam said to her, trying to keep up his steely facade.

[whenshewasnice]

"Why not?"

It made sense to her. She would've rather it didn't.

[necroslacker]

"You broke up with me," Sam reminded her. "Most of the time, that implies you don't wanna be around me anymore. That I don't really matter."

There was still a lot of hurt there, yep.

[whenshewasnice]

"That's not how it is." He could cling to his steely facade all he wanted. Hers was showing some cracks. "I'm not expecting you to get that."

They had differing views on the whole thing.

[necroslacker]

"How is it, then?" Sam asked. "If I'm off base, why don't you tell me how it is with us now."

[whenshewasnice]

"You matter," Natalie said, pushing the usual neutral tone back to the front again. "And I care. But I can't be in a relationship with you."

[necroslacker]

"Yeah, thanks so much for letting me know that. Again." His tone was anything but neutral. "Funny, I don't feel like I matter. Last time we talked, all you wanted to know was where to mail my things. Sorry Natalie, I don't believe you."

[whenshewasnice]

"Last time we talked, I was crying in your kitchen for a solid few minutes after you left." Her tone got a little icier there, just for a second or two. Then it was back to mild. "What should I have asked instead? Whether I'm a bad person? Whether it hurt you?"

Those were pretty obvious things, after all.

[necroslacker]

"After a year together, I expected a little more than just 'we're breaking up, where should I mail your things?'" Sam said, ignoring her last two questions. "Maybe I expected too much from you, huh?"

[whenshewasnice]

"I broke up with you," she replied without heat. "I think that much is obvious."

In fact, she thought she'd told him last time that she wasn't able to live up to is expectations on this.

[necroslacker]

"So, all that faith and belief in you that I had when you decided you could be in a relationship, that was all misplaced?" Sam asked. "Good to know. I won't make that mistake again. Stupid of me."

[whenshewasnice]

"The entire time we were long distance, you knew it might not work out." Did he not remember how things had been right before he'd moved away? Somehow they'd never managed to be overly joyous over the decision to try going on. "You've made some choices of your own, too. It's not all on me."

A lot of it was, and she was fairly accepting of that. But not all of it.

[necroslacker]

"What choices did I make?" Sam asked her. "Moving back home to Seattle? Virtually living in a hotel because I wanted to do everything I could to be close to you? Or are you going to throw the aborted breakup in my face again?"

[whenshewasnice]

"No." She paused and breathed deep. "But you don't get to blame me for you putting your faith in me, when I never promised more than what I could, which was that I would try. And I did."

[necroslacker]

"So, I was wrong for being as in love with you as I was?" Sam asked. "Because that's why I did believe in you. Because I loved you."

[whenshewasnice]

"And I love you." There was no past tense. Whether that was an accidental slip, she'd never tell. "But sometimes it just doesn't work out."

[necroslacker]

"Why are you trying to convince me like I shouldn't be pissed at you?" Sam wondered. "Because it's not working. You don't get to just call me up and say you care and that I matter and that you wanted to check in. It doesn't work like that. We're not anything, Natalie."

[whenshewasnice]

That hurt. Actually more than she'd expected anything to, right now. Sharper.

And this would've been a great time not to be aware of things like icons.

Her supposedly calming intake of breath was a little sharp. "Then why didn't you hang up the second you realized it was me? I'm not anything, or anyone."

[necroslacker]

"Because I'm not cruel."

Even if his words had been harsh.

"And I can still be civil."

[whenshewasnice]

"You are just as cruel as everyone else, Sam," Natalie replied, with hollow amusement. Barely there. "I'll give you civil, though."

[necroslacker]

"You know, I never once called you cruel throughout this whole thing," Sam pointed out and he thought he'd had a right to do that even if he'd been wrong. "So, thanks for that, Natalie."

[whenshewasnice]

"You've implied enough things that I think you lose your martyr card on that one," Natalie replied, back to mildness. "Not saying things is not the same as not seeming to think them anyway."