necroslacker | seattle ; monday afternoon

Sam had gotten roped into taking Haley out shopping today. His mom had asked him and Sam really couldn't say no to his mom when she put her mind to it. Besides, he hadn't spent a lot of time with Haley and she did need some new things for school.

Right now, Sam was sitting on a bench in the shoe section of some store while Haley modeled different pairs of sneakers for him.

"The first time it rains and you step in a mud puddle, those are ruined," Sam said of a the pair of white sneakers she had on today.

"I'd just avoid mud puddles," Haley told him smartly.

Sam shook his head. "No, you wouldn't. Or maybe you'd try to avoid it but no one avoids every mud puddle. No one's that good."

"I am," Haley said and stuck a hand on her hip. Sam chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Then, they look fine," he said, nodding. "Very good for not stepping in mud puddles."

"They'll go in the maybe pile," Haley said before skipping away down another aisle. Sam laughed and closed his eyes before sitting up immediately.

"Wait, you have piles? Haley, we can't stay here forever!"

Haley didn't answer. Just laughed. Sam sighed and got more comfortable. He was gonna be there awhile.

[NFB but open for phone calls/texts]

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"What choices did I make?" Sam asked her. "Moving back home to Seattle? Virtually living in a hotel because I wanted to do everything I could to be close to you? Or are you going to throw the aborted breakup in my face again?"

"No." She paused and breathed deep. "But you don't get to blame me for you putting your faith in me, when I never promised more than what I could, which was that I would try. And I did."

"So, I was wrong for being as in love with you as I was?" Sam asked. "Because that's why I did believe in you. Because I loved you."

"And I love you." There was no past tense. Whether that was an accidental slip, she'd never tell. "But sometimes it just doesn't work out."

"Why are you trying to convince me like I shouldn't be pissed at you?" Sam wondered. "Because it's not working. You don't get to just call me up and say you care and that I matter and that you wanted to check in. It doesn't work like that. We're not anything, Natalie."

That hurt. Actually more than she'd expected anything to, right now. Sharper.

And this would've been a great time not to be aware of things like icons.

Her supposedly calming intake of breath was a little sharp. "Then why didn't you hang up the second you realized it was me? I'm not anything, or anyone."

Edited 2013-01-07 21:39 (UTC)

"Because I'm not cruel."

Even if his words had been harsh.

"And I can still be civil."

"You are just as cruel as everyone else, Sam," Natalie replied, with hollow amusement. Barely there. "I'll give you civil, though."

"You know, I never once called you cruel throughout this whole thing," Sam pointed out and he thought he'd had a right to do that even if he'd been wrong. "So, thanks for that, Natalie."

"You've implied enough things that I think you lose your martyr card on that one," Natalie replied, back to mildness. "Not saying things is not the same as not seeming to think them anyway."

"You came to my house, used it like a hotel, dumped me, and I'm not supposed to be angry?" Sam asked incredulously. "What do you want from me, Natalie? Honestly, what do you want?"

"Never said you can't be angry," she pointed out. "I prefer it to all the other things you could be."

Or maybe not.

"Guess I don't want to be nothing. But I can't force you."

"You don't want to be nothing."

He didn't sound..anything there.

"So, enlighten me. What do you want to be?"

"I don't know."

She was having to admit to not knowing things these days.

"Friends, probably. In time. But I'm not holding my breath."

"Friends."

Again, he sounded a little incredulous.

"Uh huh."

Natalie sounded a little... sad.

"That's exactly why I'm not holding my breath."

"I don't want to be friends with you," Sam told her bluntly. "What I wanted, you said I can't have. I don't want just friends. No."

She understood why he'd feel that way. She did. It didn't mean she had to like it.

"Well, guess you're lucky and have enough friends."

"You want me to be your friend because you don't have enough friends?"

He was pretty sure she didn't mean it like that but he had to check.

"I want you to be my friend because you know me better than anyone," she said, her tone blunt. "And I know you better than most. And I've let someone like that slip away from me completely before."

So she knew it was precious. But...

"But, you don't want that. And I both get and don't get that."

"Why don't you get it?" Sam asked her. "I just told you why. Do you want me to go further into it or something?"

"I don't get it because it's throwing away someone who knows you." But she knew she had Todd trauma there. "But you're hurt and angry, so..."

So, she got it, even if she didn't want to.

"You tossed me away first."

That sounded immature even to him.

"I am hurt and I am angry. And I don't want to be friends with you."

"I never said I wanted us to be nothing," Natalie pointed out, if feebly. "And I'm hurt too."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's going around."

There was no comfort to be had here. He didn't say anything about what they were or what they could be. He didn't have the mental capacity to really think about it now.

(no subject)

whenshewasnice - 2013-01-07 23:11 (UTC) - Expand