necroslacker | seattle ; tuesday

Sam had walked all the way back to his house after waking up completely lost yesterday. He still had no memory of what had happened and that was scaring him. But, he'd made it back after multiple people had offered him help and some food. He didn't know how he must have looked to them if they were offering him food and shelter and water.

But, he turned down each offer and kept walking. By the time he ended up back at the estate, his feet were bloody and sore, his stomach was growling and he was dirty and tired. It hadn't been a good day. There was fear clawing at him, deep inside his belly but he was ignoring it.

He stared at the door in front of him, almost not wanting to open it. He knew his friends would be on the other side, possibly angry, possibly scared and he wasn't sure if he wanted or even had the ability to face that down right now.

He needed help. He really did and he knew it. Maybe he could sneak in, pack a bag and leave. That's what it was coming too. He was going to have to leave and either find his uncle or...find Douglas.

Sam shuddered and turned the knob so he could slip inside the house. He'd shower, pack a bag quickly and leave.

[NFB again but open for interactions, if needed]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"No."

That was more forceful than she'd meant it to be. Couldn't be helped. She wanted to yell at him, knew she couldn't, that came out as a compromise.

"We're already terrified. Of losing you."

"You've already lost me," he said ruefully. He couldn't help that either. He just wanted to curl up and stay that way until people left him alone so he could leave. "I'm just tired of it all."

"You need to pull yourself together." But he knew that already, didn't he? She tried her hardest to get back to a neutral tone, and was successful... mostly. "If you want me to leave you alone, maybe I will. But only if you don't break your mother's heart. Because I'm not sure you don't just want to run from everything, instead of actually wanting to deal with what's going on."

"You don't think I'm trying?" Sam asked, shooting her a sharp glance. "You don't think I know what you're telling me, Natalie? Do you know what I feel like lately? Empty. Numb. I feel this dark spot inside me and I can't bring myself to care about anything. It's eating me. It's hurting. All I do is hurt! And I don't know what to do! Leaving is the only thing I've come up with and you all telling me it's wrong? How is that supposed to make me feel? Because staying here, it just makes it hurt more. I don't know what to do because everything I do is wrong."

Natalie let his hand go, and rested her hands in her lap. No wonder Brid had been tearing up when she'd come out of here.

"And I wish I had the words to make it better."

She felt helpless, almost useless. There were few feelings in the world she hated more.

"It doesn't matter," Sam said, pulling his hand back and turning over onto his side so he could curl up into a ball. "I'm alone and I'm tired and I hurt."

He closed in on himself and threw up all the shields he had left in him.

"You're not alone. But, you're the one who told me that if I kept pushing people away, that's how I'd end up. Don't be me, Sam."

She got up. Sudden need for privacy. Or to just get out of here.

"Goodbye."

He could tell she was leaving and he was too tired to say anything else. He took a shuddering breath but stayed where he was. Quiet. Silent. And hurting.

"See you later," Natalie replied, a bit pointedly. She walked out of the room feeling tense all over.

She wasn't feeling like exchanging pleasantries with anyone. Or sticking around. Enough for a few words at Sam's friends. "Call me if... something happens. I need to go."

Frank nodded at her while Ramon made his way into Sam's room. He didn't try and stop her. He'd seen how Brid left and now this?

Everything sucked.

"And tell Brid and Sam's mom I'm sorry."

For bailing. Mostly for bailing.

And then she did just that. Walking briskly and getting the hell out of Sam's house.

seattle ; tuesday

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject