necroslacker | room 216 ; monday morning

Current Mood: tired

Entry tags:

room 216 ; monday morning

Sam hadn't slept much this weekend. After Saturday's near debacle, he'd been tense and unfocused and saddled with an unfamiliar body that made sleeping even harder than it was for him normally. So, he just hadn't slept. He'd spent time holed up in his room before taking off to the mainland, skateboard in hand. He'd stayed there for awhile, skateboarding until his legs ached.

He'd actually changed back at some point during his journey back to the island. He was himself again, familiar and with clothes that once again fit. Exhaling, he'd continued on back to the island and back to his room

And that's where he was now, fresh from a shower, with clean clothes on. He'd changed the bandages on his hand earlier even though they probably didn't really need them. It was more of a way to keep the wound hidden from certain people.

With all that done, he'd put on a record (something classic rock) and started eating the breakfast he'd picked up on his way back (tofu omelettes). He had class in awhile but he could relax now and try to let all the tension seep from his shoulders.

Slowly.

[Door's closed, post is really for one person and posted early because our schedules are hilariously incompatible lately.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I felt your panic, yeah," Sam agreed, nodding. He was glad that she at least didn't brush everything off and give him a complete non answer.

"Why don't you wanna initiate touch with me? Is it me?" Sam asked after a moment. "If you wanna touch me, touch me because if you're reacting like you were a few days ago, I'm not gonna know if you even want me to touch you."

"It's not you," Natalie said, suppressing a sigh. "It's just not my style. I don't know how to be like that."

And have it feel natural. She almost mentioned how she'd used to stand still when he came closer, then thought better of it.

"Okay," Sam said, accepting that she just wasn't a touchy person with him or anyone. He smiled sadly at her more because she seemed to want to touch and just couldn't.

"How do you get comfort when you need it?" Sam wondered quietlyh.

She shrugged a shoulder. "Music." Because, you know, she sucked at the physical. She took her comfort where she got it.

"So, you'd rather go back to your room to listen to music then ask me for something or even just take something knowing I'd be just fine witht that?" Sam asked quizically.

Natalie gave him a sideways glance.

"When you put it like that, it makes me sound stupid."

She was aware there was something ridiculous about her when it came to this.

"I'm not trying to make you sound stupid," Sam said apologetically. "I just, I dunno, I'm your boyfriend. You can want me to comfort you and I'll do it. It's not gonna change my feelings for you."

"I know that. Intellectually."

Which was to say that remembering something like that while panicking? Easier said than done.

"Intellectually," Sam repeated quietly. "Answer me this, do you want me to comfort you when you need it?"

There was a long pause.

And then, as... factually as she possibly could: "Yes."

"So, say it. Tell me you want me to comfort you."

Because, after that long pause and the clinical answer, he didn't think she could.

Natalie gave a quiet sigh. "It's not that simple, Sam."

Though she acknowledged that it should have been.

"Yeah," he replied because he'd called that. "I figured it wouldn't be."

He slid his fingers through his hair and admitted quietly, "I don't know how I'm supposed to act around you most of the time, Natalie, because I don't know what you want. You rarely tell me and you're not overly demonstrative which either means I guess or I'm left wondering if you even like me sometimes."

Natalie's head turned fully towards him for the first time during this conversation. It wasn't quite a whip, but it wasn't exactly a slow movement, either.

"I do like you," she said, almost, almost looking surprised. She hadn't realized she could come off like that sometimes.

"Intellectually, I know that," he said and it wasn't a swipe at her but more an illustration of how it was hard for him too.

"You don't always act like it though," Sam added. "And I'm not saying you have to be some over the top girl who hangs on her boyfriend. I know what kind of person you are, I get that, but, you know, this is the first time you've looked at me fully since you got here. You're almost always hesitant to come into my room or sit down and you don't like talking to me all that much. So, sometimes it feels like you don't like me."

"I do like talking to you," Natalie replied, softly, because it was about the only thing she had even remotely room to argue about. The rest sounded unfortunately true, and even this wasn't that much of an argument. "Just not that into talking in general. Sorry."

Which sounded pretty sincere for how stupid she felt saying it, when he hadn't asked her to apologize for her personality.

"I didn't tell you all this to make you feel bad," Sam assured her, shrugging and dropping his fork on his plate since he was pretty much done now.

"I just thought you had a right to know how I'm feeling," he added, sighing and looking at her. "I don't know what to do."

Natalie gave him a little shrug. She didn't really know what to do, either. "Guess I could try harder."

Sam sighed, wondering if he'd just hurt her feelings or something that he wasn't aiming to do. He thought he had.

"Look, I really like you, Natalie," Sam said bluntly. "I haven't had a lot of good things come to me lately but you're here and you're good and I'm not giving up. My life sucks most of the time and it's scary but you're a good thing for me."

Natalie watched him quietly for a moment. Her feelings weren't hurt – she was the type who probably would've walked out immediately if they had been – but this was making her thoughtful. Just that.

"I could use some of that comfort now."

Or maybe she thought they both could.

"Okay," Sam said quietly. He pushed his plate further out of the way then reached for her. The spot on the floor maybe wasn't ideal but he could draw her against his chest and hold from behind like he tended to do when they slept together. He knew she'd get herself comfortable once she was tucked against his chest and his arms were around her.

That was how it tended to work, and that was how it worked now too. She shifted until she was comfortable, then sighed quietly and tried to relax.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Sam murmured quietly. He pressed his cheek against her hair and closed his eyes. "You okay?"

"Yes." But okay was kind of a fuzzy word. She was okay enough. "You didn't hurt my feelings or anything."

In case he thought that.

"Okay," Sam murmured quietly, sighing. He thought he had, yes, and he honestly hadn't meant to do anything of the sort. He tightened his arms around her and fell quiet for awhile. His thoughts had wandered off to other places while he held her.

All that honesty earlier meant he'd run out of words to say for the moment.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject