seattle ; monday afternoon

[necroslacker]

It'd been another night racked with nightmares. They were getting worse and worse and Sam had no idea what had seemingly opened the floodgates. He didn't know what was causing everything to spiral out of control. He'd found himself downstairs in the basement way too much and for way too long. Ramon and Frank had even started questioning him and he'd just snapped angrily and stalked away.

That had just concerned them more. And they'd threatened to tell Brid which was great. He didn't want to deal with her when it came to this. He didn't want to deal with anyone. He just wanted to internalize it and make it go away.

He'd locked himself in his room for right now. The bed was unmade and messy and his clothes were strewn about, a testament to just how unfocused he was. But, he was still up and he was still mobile. Well, he was looking out one of the windows at the gray afternoon.

But, that counted.

[NFB but open for interactions]

Comments

[whenshewasnice]

"Uh huh." That wasn't accusatory, or anything. Just... yeah, even she wasn't sure what it was. "If you say so."

[necroslacker]

"I deal with it."

It was more to convince himself than her.

"And I move on."

[whenshewasnice]

"Okay." This time, her tone was mostly placating. "Anything I can do?"

He asked her that same question often enough.

[necroslacker]

Sam sighed. A part of him wanted to let her in but the other part, the part that was still bitter about everything, didn't. He wanted to shut her down.

"No." And that part won out. "I'm fine. I just need some sleep, I'm sure."

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie couldn't say she felt surprised to hear that. A little sad, maybe. Maybe even a little bit rejected, although it was just a faint trace of a feeling that probably came more from other things that had happened lately, than this.

"Okay. Whatever you say. The offer will stand, though."

[necroslacker]

"I appreciate the offer but there's nothing to help because everything's fine," Sam told her, rubbing his cheek and blinking a few times. "I'm just dandy."

[whenshewasnice]

"Don't exaggerate." He was rarely dandy these days. She'd stopped playing, and was holding her phone in the normal manner, now. "But again, whatever you say."

[necroslacker]

Somewhere, deep in Sam's gut, he was starting to get angry at her for just...giving up so easily. For not pushing. It was clawing at him and he was forcing himself to keep it down and keep it out of his voice.

"I'm not exaggerating," Sam told her, shaking his head. "But yeah, I say. Thanks for being so understanding."

[whenshewasnice]

Actually, Natalie thought she was mostly just being passive-aggressive and not entirely giving up.

"I'm really not sure I'm being that understanding, but..."

She took her turn to shrug.

[necroslacker]

"What do you want me to say?" Sam asked her. "Because all you're doing right now is using a passive aggressive tone on me and it's irritating me."

Well, he was irritable already and her tone and words weren't helping.

[whenshewasnice]

"Yeah, I do that to people lately," Natalie replied dryly. "But at least I'm not talking you around in circles? People really dislike that."

[necroslacker]

"So, why do you do it?" Sam asked her. "If you know people don't like it, why do it?"

[whenshewasnice]

"Because I have issues."

That was actually a fairly straight answer to that question.

[necroslacker]

"Yeah, it sounds like you're trying to push everyone away, whether you realize it or not," Sam told her though he didn't say it unkindly. "You're gonna end up alone if you keep doing it."

[whenshewasnice]

"That's twice in three days," Natalie noted. Meaning she'd heard approximately the same thing twice very lately.

She sounded a little tired herself, just for a second. "I should make a bingo card for these things."

[necroslacker]

"And?" Sam wondered. "Are you gonna do anything about it, Natalie?"

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie felt like leaning against something. There was nothing to lean against. So she sat with her back straight.

"I want to," she said, flatly. "But it's not that easy."

[necroslacker]

"At least you want to," Sam said quietly. "But, nothing's easy, Natalie. Still gotta do it, though."

[whenshewasnice]

That was going to take quite a bit of years to really figure out.

"What, you don't think I'd make a good hermit?"

[necroslacker]

"I don't think you'd be happy," Sam told her. "And you should be happy."

[whenshewasnice]

"I'm pretty happy with pretty little, though." With just a handful of friends. Actually, the ones she had in Fandom were more numerous than anything she'd had before. "But not right now."

[necroslacker]

"It's only gonna get better if you want it to get better," Sam sighed. "You have to want that."

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie's tone got a bit more wry. "You make it sound like I have a substance abuse problem or something."

[necroslacker]

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Sam told her, sighing again. "You just have to want to face the issues head on. If you don't, then you're gonna keep dealing with them and possibly keep pushing people away just because."

[whenshewasnice]

"Trust me, I never do it 'just because'."

Of course, she barely wanted to admit to pushing people away in the first place.

"But I'm not great at making friends. You know that."