room 216 ; saturday morning

[necroslacker]

Yeah, so Sam had woken up with girl parts. Fortunately, he wasn't gonna have a screaming fit of surprise. Unfortunately, he was also contemplating just sleeping this weirdness away so he didn't have to deal with anything that might be coming at him from certain parties. Of course, this plan was hindered by the fact that he didn't really sleep at all in the first place and meant he was more just acting like a lazy ass instead of sleeping.

This body was weird. It was smaller and softer and there were...things that he was used to touching, not having. He was curious about what his back looked like, if he'd kept those scars or not but he wasn't so curious as to try and look.

Nope. Sam was in bed, swimming in his clothes and trying to keep his longer hair out of his eyes. This island had a crappy sense of humor sometimes. He didn't want to be a girl, he didn't know how to be a girl.

And now he was a girl. Sigh.

[Door's closed but the post is open, definitely! I totally didn't forget this at first!]

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[whenshewasnice]

"Mm," Natalie said, and fell silent for a while The urge to flop down next to him and just pretend she could hide from everything was strangely strong when you considered where the anxiety she was trying to keep at bay was coming from.

When had she started relying on boyfriend comfort, she wondered?

[necroslacker]

Yep, this was just nice and weird. He could feel the anxiety and he could read it which didn't very much help.

He squeezed his eyes shut and was just happy she wasn't scared of him.

[whenshewasnice]

For the moment, the flopping down urge won out. She let go of his hand and lay herself down next to him with a sigh.

She knew this was a risk. She knew she wanted a hug or something, and she knew she was going to fail to ask for that, and she knew there was more than a small chance that he wasn't going to dare to touch her like that when she was like this.

But she didn't want to just get up and leave.

[necroslacker]

"Natalie, what's the matter?" Sam asked her after a moment. There was still anxiety rolling off of her and he had no idea why she was getting like that right now.

"Is this that bad for you?" he added.

[whenshewasnice]

"No," she said. And then amended it to, "I don't know."

Truth was, she was probably pushing herself too hard to be okay with something that she could've been fine with if she'd just given herself a little time.

[necroslacker]

"Well, you know, let me know you figure that out," Sam said, sounding a touch cranky about the fact that she was sticking around if he was upsetting her. It wasn't like she didn't know he could tell.

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie pushed herself back up to sitting. Well, she'd taken that risk and it had backfired. "Nice response to honesty," she said, calmly.

[necroslacker]

"Seriously?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow. "I can feel the anxiety coming from you like a freaking perfume, Natalie. I've asked what's the matter, I've asked again, I've apologized and I don't know what else you want from me. I can tell you're uncomfortable and it's about me and it's hard to deal with."

[whenshewasnice]

"Just wanted my boyfriend," she said, as calmly as she could. Twisting her lips. "Just wanted the... comfort. Or something."

But he could only read her emotions and not her mind.

It was one of those weird moments where she kind of wished she was the kind of person who cried more easily. She was just going to settle for a tension headache.

[necroslacker]

"I can't read your mind," Sam pointed out, shaking his head. "I don't know what you want because you make it impossible to read you sometimes and right now, it's even harder because you're trying to cover things up. I can read your anxiety and that's what I'm getting from you. You're telling me you want me but all I can feel from you is discomfort."

[whenshewasnice]

"So you'd rather trust that than my words?" Not that that was always the wrong course of action... "You could try making some of it go away."

[necroslacker]

"You just now gave me your words," Sam reminded her quietly. "All I had before were your emotions so what else was I gonna trust?"

And a part of him was still worried that he'd start feeling discomfort, anxiety and unhappiness if got close to her. But, he was still holding her hand at least so he brought it closer to his lips and kissed the top of it.

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie sighed when he did that, and tried to make some of the tension fade from her shoulders. His lips may have felt a little different, even on the back of her hand, but it was still a touch.

It was still what she felt like she needed.

[necroslacker]

"Seriously, what's wrong?" Sam asked, softer this time. "You've like gone completely downhill since you got here."

[whenshewasnice]

"I don't know," Natalie replied, quietly. "I think I should be fine. I was fine when I was in the common room."

Thinking she should be fine was probably the problem.

[necroslacker]

"So, it's something with me," Sam said and he didn't sound upset. He might have felt a little sad but he didn't show it.

[whenshewasnice]

It was more like something with her. But unfortunately she was not quick to put blame on herself.

She also wasn't rushing to blame him either, really. It was on the island. "Well, I'm not as close with anyone else."

[necroslacker]

"I'm sorry," Sam said, turning his eyes up to the ceiling. He did keep a hold of her hand but he wasn't sure what to do, if anything, to help. "Wish there was something I could do besides making you have panic attacks right now."

[whenshewasnice]

"I'm not having a panic attack," she replied softly, because facts were something to cling to at times of stress. "I'm... adjusting."

[necroslacker]

"You're not adjusting well," Sam remarked quietly. "And that's not meant to push you or anything but I can feel you trying and I can feel it not working really well."

[whenshewasnice]

"Well, at least you can feel me trying." Wasn't that something? "This shouldn't be this hard."

[necroslacker]

"It's not gonna be forever," Sam sighed, feeling some tension finally creep into his own body at her reactions to him. It was hard to stay relaxed right now. "So, there's that."

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie sighed too. "I think I'm starting to stress you out, now."

[necroslacker]

"I just don't know what to do. It's me that's making you stressed out and that's hard to deal with even if I know I look different and feel weird," Sam said, taking a breath.

"It's hard to feel as much anxiety coming off of you regarding me as I've been feeling because -- " He shrugged. He had issues about that and she knew it. "And I want to help but I'm the cause so...what do I do?"

Besides get stressed out himself.

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie sighed again, and pulled his hand closer to her now, so she could kiss his knuckles.

"It would probably be better if I left."